D3 body, D1 cock
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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