As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
