If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
