Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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