she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
