If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
