Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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