every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
