I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
