...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
