Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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