Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
