These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
