Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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