I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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