I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
