This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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