I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
