This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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