goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We have started to decorate penises.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
