I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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