You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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