nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
