Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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