It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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