How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
