my mouth tastes like poor choices
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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