Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
