Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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