i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
