Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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