May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
