he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
