Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I wanna passion pit in your ass
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
