Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
