We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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