You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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