he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
