That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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