I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
