I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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