the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
