five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
