We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
