girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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