I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
