good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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