dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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