He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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