I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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