i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
