i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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