i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
